


To Hell and Back

by girliblue



Category: Outer Banks (TV)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-07-14
Updated: 2020-10-01
Packaged: 2021-03-04 23:34:00
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 17,247
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25254685
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/girliblue/pseuds/girliblue
Summary: JJ wished he would have admitted his feelings earlier. It took them going through Hell and back before he finally got the girl. But he wouldn’t have done it any differently. She needed to be the one to admit her feelings. Otherwise he would just be another guy she turned down. Kiara had the control. Just like she was the only one who knew just what to say when he had a run in with his dad. She was the one who actually wanted him, rather than being forced into something like with the other guys.
Relationships: JJ/Kiara (Outer Banks), Kiara/JJ (Outer Banks)
Comments: 33
Kudos: 144
Collections: obx/jiara fics





	1. Homecoming

**Author's Note:**

> This is the story of all of the moments, big or small, that lead to Kiara and JJ confessing their feelings for each other. They’re lives are far from perfect, but they somehow always end up working through shit together.

Kiara knew it was always supposed to be JJ.  
She just didn’t want to admit it. If she really thinks about it, he was the one there for her. He was the one who made her happy. He was the one she wanted.

The first time she realized was during her infamous Kook year. She had slipped away and it was too late to try and get her friends back. Screw that, her family. 

There were moments where she wished she could run away, and just be with the Pogues again. She missed John B’s charm, and the positivity he practically radiated. She missed Pope and his stupid awkwardness that always made her laugh. She would never admit that she missed JJ the most, but she did. She missed his smile, his charm, just his overall presence. She was most worried about him too.

However, her first dance at the Kook Academy had arrived, and she needed a date. Fast. 

She had spent the night before the dance at Sarah’s, having planned on going alone, accompanying Sarah and whatever guy she had wowed to be her date. What she didn’t account for was Sarah’s obnoxious and borderline creepy brother trying to make her regret that decision.

“Morning Kiara.” He spoke into her ear, his front dangerously close to her back.

“Rafe.” She muttered. Kiara nervously glanced around the kitchen, shuddering when she realized they were alone. “Can I help you?”

Rafe smirked, “Actually yes.” He stepped closer, if that was even possible. “How would you feel about being my date tonight?” 

“Are you kidding me? You couldn’t find someone your own age to take to stupid homecoming?” She tried her best to wrangle out of his grasp. 

“Of course I have a date. But I’d rather take you.” He tucked a piece of hair behind Kiara’s ear, making her significantly more uncomfortable.

“Don’t be weird Rafe. If you have a date already just take her.” Kiara walked past him, celebrating her escape too early. 

“I know you don’t have a date.” He yelled, causing her to stop suddenly. “So you don’t have any excuse to say no.” 

“You asshole! I refuse to go with a douche like you. And I do have a date for your information.” She didn’t mean to let it slip, but it was too late. Rafe’s smirk was wiped right off his face. 

“Who is it?” He practically snarled. Her mind was racing, trying to think of who from the school could possibly still be date-less tonight. 

Sarah found her just in time, grabbing her hand and pulling her upstairs. “Kie? Come on we have to start getting ready!” 

Kiara had been pacing back and forth for minutes trying to decide what to do. She didn’t have anyone in her “Kook world” that she could possibly take. Kiara knew she had to ask one of her boys. God, did she even have the right to call them that anymore? 

Now she had to weigh her options. She hasn’t talked to John B in months. Not since his dad went missing. That would be way too low. Pope would be so awkward about it, and make it a huge deal when it’s not. Or it isn’t supposed to be anyways. 

That leaves JJ. Due to her immense pride she would never say it out loud, but she was glad it came down to him. He wouldn’t make it a big deal. And she knew he would do anything for her. Of course she had to chose the one without a phone, though. 

“Hey Sarah, I actually need to pick up something from home. I’ll meet you back here in an hour.” Sarah merely hummed in response, too busy straightening her hair. 

It was exhausting to bike all the way back to the cut, and Kiara finally realized how long it had been since she had even spoken to JJ. She knew it was stupid to even try his house, and surly enough Luke Maybank was the only resident home, passed out on the couch. She just hoped she wouldn’t have to face all of them when she found him. 

Her legs were burning by the time she had reached the Chateau. Sarah had already called her three times, reminding her yet again that there were only 8 hours until the dance. 

Her prayers seemed the be answered, thankfully, because as far as she could tell JJ was the only one laid out on the dock. She walked up behind him, trying her best not to startle him. She knows how jumpy he can get. She sat down next to him, he hadn’t even glanced her way. 

“Hey, J.” Kiara spoke softly. 

It felt like hours before he responded, but eventually he let out a noise that sounded between a cry and a laugh. 

“God I missed you.” He placed an arm around her, pulling her closer. Her shoulders instantly relaxed at his warmth. They say in silence for a while, just taking in each other’s presence. 

“I have to talk to you. Er, rather, ask you something.” Kiara finally broke the silence. JJ took his arm off of her and turned to face her. 

“Ok? You’re scaring me here Kie.” JJ nervously laughed. 

“So, um, don’t judge me okay. But I need a date.” Kiara paused to see his reaction.

“A date? For what exactly?” He asked skepticism evident in his voice.

“The homecoming dance at the Kook Academy. And I know I’ve ghosted you guys for months, and I’ve been a bitch. I’m sorry I really am-“ 

“Hey! Kie!” He grabbed her arm to get her to stop. “I’ll do it.”

“Really?” She breathed out.

“Of course I will. I’d do fucking anything for you, you know that. Even put myself in a room of fucking Kooks, which is quite literally my definition of hell.” He smiled although quite annoyed. 

“Thanks. But this means you’re going to have to wear a suit. You got one?” She began to stand up as he walked her to her bike. 

“Yeah, surprisingly I do.” JJ held her hand to help her sit on the seat of her bike. “Two ground rules though. One. Weed. I will need lots and lots of weed.” She giggled at his request. “And two, if any one of the Kooks makes some comment, or looks at you the wrong way. Game over.” 

Five hours later Kiara finds herself in a tight black dress, shorter than she is comfortable with. Her mother picked it out months prior, and she didn’t have much say. She liked the way it hugged her curves, but standing next to Sarah Cameron, she couldn’t help but feel insecure. 

“JJ Maybank? Seriously?” Sarah said flustered. She was less than pleased with Kiara’s choice of a date. “He’s a pogue Kie. He doesn’t even go to our school.” 

“He’s a good guy, I promise.” Kiara struggled to clasp the necklace around her neck, Sarah coming behind her for assistance.

“I’ve heard things about his family, mainly his dad. They say he’s a drunk and…” Sarah was cut off but the sudden presence of Rafe entering her room. 

“Oh, a Maybank? That’s who you got for your date? Damn.” Rafe says, having clearly heard the conversation between the two girls. 

“So what? He’s a nice guy, and quite frankly I don’t give a shit about what you think. He’s certainly better than you.” Kiara snapped. She loved Sarah, but hearing her family say terrible things about JJ made her blood boil.

“Doesn’t matter. He still comes from a long line of drunk, good for nothing, assholes.” Rafe said cockily.

“JJ is not his family, ok? Now you can get the fuck out.” Kiara pointed out towards the hallway, and for some reason Rafe obeyed. Not surprisingly, it was because some blonde bimbo had arrived and he did not hesitate to have his hands all over her. 

“Sorry about him. He does have a point though, I’m not so sure about this guy.” Sarah sat down next to Kiara on the bed looking concerned.  
“I mean you barely know him.”

“I do know him.” Kiara whispered. “Like really well.”

“Oh. Is he one of the guys that you used to be friends with?” Sarah asked, her tone slightly more annoyed than Kiara would have liked.

“Yeah, he was my best friend.” She smiled, a bittersweet feeling taking over her.

“Now is obviously not the time, but you have to tell me what happened between you and your old friends.” Sarah got up to finish getting ready. Kiara hasn’t said much on what happened between her and the Pogues. She herself barely knew what had happened.

“Sarah! Blake’s here!” Wheezie’s voice called from downstairs. Sarah led the way, suddenly in a much better mood. The two girls were greeted by a Kook in Kook fashion. The boy, Blake apparently, stood in a navy blue suit, matching Sarah’s long navy blue dress. Kiara gave them some space as they awkwardly hugged and made small talk. She could instantly tell Sarah wasn’t interested just by her facial expression.

A knock on the door snapped Kiara out of her judgemental gaze at the “couple.” Assuming it was JJ, Kiara opened the door, her jaw practically fell open. 

“Holy shit! You really do have a suit.” Kiara giggled.

“What can u say? I’m full of surprises.” He chuckled before wrapping his arms around her. “Hey Kie.” JJ whispered in her ear. She knew she was holding him for too long but she couldn’t bring herself to care. 

After an excruciatingly long amount of time spent taking pictures, the four of them were off to homecoming. Rafe thankfully had chosen to impress his date by taking his Motorbike.

“He’s cute.” Sarah whispered to Kiara while they sat in the limo. “I see why you like him.”

Kiara didn’t have the energy to explain that she didn’t like him, because she didn’t know what she felt. Sarah has a sixth sense where she always knows when someone is lying. 

“God, I hate this place.” JJ said as they entered the cafeteria where the dance was taking place. 

“Me too.” Kiara had not let go of JJ since he arrived at the Cameron’s. Even in the limo, their pinkies were intertwined. Maybe it was because he made her feel safe. Or not being able to touch him for almost a year. Or, maybe it was because she wasn’t ready to let him go again. 

Jj

JJ couldn’t stop smiling. He was so happy just to be near her again. To touch her, to laugh with her, just to be happy again. He would never admit it, but he missed her more than he let on. 

They danced, which is JJ’s signature way to get a girl, but this time was different. He followed her lead, made sure she was comfortable. 

JJ couldn't believe how beautiful she looked. Her hair was down, flowing effortlessly down her back. She looked different, and JJ finally realized he had never seen her in makeup before. 

The cafeteria was stuffy, numerous sweaty and hormonal bodies slamming into each other. Sarah had long since disappeared, running off with some guy who definitely wasn’t her date. 

“I need a break or my fucking heels are going to break.” Kiara complained. JJ grabbed her hand leading her towards one of the many tables scattered around the room. He still didn’t understand the constant need to touch her. Maybe it was because they had been separated for so long. All he knew was he wasn’t sure when he would get to do it again, so he didn’t stop. 

“So about the weed I was promised?” He asked, causing her to roll her eyes. “I was serious about that you know.”

“I know you were. Let’s get out of here and we can find someplace to… you know…” Kiara gestured with her hands.

“Make out?” His question earned him a punch to the arm. “Ouch! I was kidding!” 

The pair found themselves on the beach, laying on the sand, looking at the stars. 

“This is some weak weed, Kie.” JJ complained, taking another hit before passing the joint back to her. 

“I haven’t smoked in months, so I didn’t want to completely fuck myself over.” She clearly hadn’t been smoking, coughing every few hits. 

“Poor Kiara, ‘kooks think they’re too good for weed?” JJ joked, but the mood shifted. So far they had made through the night without any mention of her abandoning the Pogues. 

“I want to come back. I wish I could. But…” Her voice trailed off. He felt around in the sand for a moment, before anxiously grabbing her hand. Kiara gave him a smile of reassurance. 

“We’re always here, Kie. Whether as a date for some shitty dance, or just for a friend. We’re here.” He hoped she caught onto the fact that he mainly meant himself. 

“How is he?” She asked. “John B, I mean.” The answer was complicated. It was obvious to even JJ that John B was not healthily coping with the disappearance of his father. 

“He’s doing what he always does. Staying positive, and blocking out anything that says otherwise.” JJ took another drag from the blunt. 

“And what about you? Big John was practically your dad too.” Kiara started tracing circles on his palm, instantly calming him. 

JJ was stunned at the question. No one had asked him how he was doing. He felt selfish for the sadness he felt with Big John missing. Kiara was right, he was like a father to JJ. Taking him in when his dad was drunk and angry. Letting him tag along on family fishing trips. Hell, Big John was the one who taught JJ how to shave. 

“I’m used to people leaving, I guess.” JJ answered vaguely. Silence fell shortly after at the statement JJ made. He knew she must be feeling guilty for leaving. He knew she would be back at some point, but he guessed it wouldn’t be soon.

“I wish you would come back. You really fucking should come back, we’re falling apart. I don’t know what John B or Pope would do, but I could give two shits. You always have me.” The weed was definitely getting to him, this vulnerability isn’t usually present in JJ.

“I know, J.” 

JJ smiled more that night than he had in a long time. Kiara finally understood how stupid she had been for leaving him. Both of them didn’t feel the need to constantly bicker, or put up some wall to appear less fragile. They were just themselves. 

Looking back on this night, getting high underneath the stars; this is the moment in which they both knew they were in deep shit. They loved each other, whether they wanted to believe it or not. When they admitted their feelings? That would come way later, when all Hell broke loose, and hope seemed lost.


	2. The Return

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After being away from her for so long, JJ realized her missed her too much to be mad anymore.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Inspired by the lovely “I Wish You Would” by Taylor Swift.

Two months after homecoming Kiara still finds herself wrapped up in the Kook world, but something’s off. Sarah has been distant, and all of her other friends seem to be avoiding her. Kiara can’t help but blame herself, knowing it must be karma from leaving her boys. 

She’s sitting inside the wreck on a busy Friday night, having just finished her shift. Sarah’s birthday is tomorrow, and Kiara hasn’t heard anything about a party or even plans for the day. She has a gut feeling of disparity for the days ahead.

What she doesn't expect is the sight of her ex best friend walking through the door of her restaurant, bag full of groceries. Pope is the only one who she hasn’t spoken to since she abandoned them. 

She reached out to John B when Big John went missing, receiving a very cold thanks in return. She knew she didn’t deserve anything more than that. 

She had seen JJ twice. The first time was when he agreed to attend her Homecoming. The second being at a party at the Boneyard where he barely acknowledged her existence. He mumbled a brief “hey” while reaching past her for another beer. He was there with both John B and Pope, so she hoped that was the reason for his passive aggressiveness. 

Now it was Pope. He looked awkward, eyes glued to the floor, refusing to make eye contact. It seemed that Kiara’s dad forgot to alert her that Heyward would be making his deliveries today, but instead had sent his son. 

“This is all of them. The rest of the meat is coming in tomorrow. You can pay my dad when he drops it off then.” Pope spoke extremely fast, placing the bags on top of the counter before practically sprinting out of the door. 

“Pope, wait!” She yelled chasing after him. He stopped outside, turning around reluctantly. 

“I don’t have anything to say to you.” He still had yet to meet her eyes.

“Well I need to say something to you.” Kiara tried her best to speak calmly, Pope’s tone making her nervous. “I’m sorry.”

“Sorry? You’re sorry? That’s not going to cut it, Kiara.” He said her full name with such emphasis, just to prove his anger. 

“I know it doesn’t but I’m trying. I feel awful for leaving you guys, but I don’t know how I can make it up to you.” Her eyes brimmed with tears she couldn’t seem to wipe away. 

“Nope, you don’t get to cry! You're the one who left us. And just because you fell in love with Sarah fucking Cameron, and she abandoned you too, doesn’t mean you get to crawl back to us.”

“What did you just say to me?” She was almost speechless. Her heart began to race, wondering if he had shared this with anyone else. 

“You heard me. She’s as straight as they come, Kie. She was smart not to fall for you since you sure as hell ain’t loyal.” His words were rushed but Kiara managed to hear them all. She couldn’t recognize the boy standing in front of her. This was not the same Pope.

“Fuck you, Pope! You are the one person I told my secret to, and you're just going to throw that in my face?” It took everything inside of her not to punch him right outside of her restaurant. The immense trust and faith she had stored in him with her secret was shattered. No one else knew, not even her parents. 

So what if it was true? She liked Sarah, and Sarah didn’t like her back. She never confessed her feelings or anything, but Sarah must have figured it out. Her distance made it quite clear something was wrong. 

She ran past Pope and onto her bike, Pope still screaming behind her. 

She hadn’t realized where she was going until she was already halfway there, tears blocking her vision. The familiar path to the cut was bumpy and difficult, but she was able to get there quickly.

It was nighttime on a weekend, so she knew exactly where to find him. Sure enough, she found JJ and John B laid out on the beach, each nursing a beer.

JJ noticed her first, quickly making his way toward her fragile being. He didn’t care about what John B would think, he only cared about her. 

Instead of asking her what was wrong, or even saying anything, he just pulled her into his embrace. She cried into his shirt, placing both of her hands on his chest. His hands traced patterns on her shoulders and waist as he held her. 

“Oh, so we’re being nice to traitors now, are we? That’s not very Maybank of you.” John B shouted walking up to them. 

Kiara felt JJ stiffen, both of them having forgotten about John B’s presence. 

“Not you too. Please not right now.” Her voice sounded so defeated; lifeless even. 

“Whatever. If you want to stay here with her, ‘s fine by me. I’m leaving.” John B rolled his eyes before walking off. 

When she pictured her return to the boys, it was the exact opposite of this. She thought Pope would be the first to forgive her. Things wouldn’t be exactly normal between the two, but she thought it would get to as normal as it could be. She pictured John B needing a little more time, considering she abandoned him when he needed her most. But he would come around. 

She always thought it would take JJ the longest. He doesn’t cope well when people leave him. He hates getting hurt, because he’s been hurt too much. He doesn’t let anyone touch him, or let anyone see him vulnerable. She thought it would end in countless screaming matches, and weeks of petty silence, at least. But it wasn’t. He accepted her right away, before she even tried to come back to them. 

She couldn’t wrap her head around why.

“Sorry about him, long day. ‘Sherif came by trying to get him to sign some papers presuming Big John dead.” He studied her tear soaked face as an attempt to try and figure out why she was upset. “He’s been an ass to everyone.”

“I deserve it.” She mumbled. “Can we sit?” She pointed to the towel JJ had laid out earlier. He nodded in response. 

They laid next to each other, pinkies interlocking (this is the way they touch when they are fully sober).

He didn’t want to push, so he stayed quiet waiting for her to start. 

She took a deep breath to pull herself together, “I ran into Pope today.” That was enough of an explanation. JJ had no idea why, but Pope was the most bitter about Kiara’s absence. It was odd, considering he was the one who preached morals and hated holding grudges. 

“Guessing that didn’t go very well.” He attempted a joke, getting a forced smile back in return.

“No it didn’t.” She shifted in the sand to face him. “I have to tell you something first, though.” 

“Shoot.” He laid on his side two, their faces mere inches apart.

“I um, shit this is hard.” Kiara took another breath. “I like girls.” That certainly wasn’t what JJ was expecting. 

“Cool.” So what if he had a small crush on her in the past? If she likes girls, he was fine with that. 

“Really? That’s your response to that?” She asked, and he could tell she was nervous saying those words aloud.

“Yeah, it’s kind of hot actually.” That earned him a punch to the arm, but he didn’t care. He got her to smile. “So, like just girls or…?” 

“No, I’m pansexual, which means I don’t care about gender.” She was so relieved at his response. This was completely different than when she told Pope. He asked a million questions and seemed almost disappointed. She should have known to tell JJ first. 

“Nice, I still got a chance!” Another punch to the arm, but she was still smiling. They both laid back down, this time completely holding hands.  
“I mean I’m glad you told me, but why now?”

“I told Pope last summer. He was the first person I told. And he used that against me when I saw him.” She wasn’t sure if she should mention the part about Sarah or not. Not that she was ashamed, she just didn’t know if it would make her ditching them sound even worse. Like, if she had left them for a girl she liked? It sounded shallow. 

“Well, he’s an asshole too. I’ll kill him if you want me to.” He wasn’t kidding. Why would Pope do something like that? He figured there was more to the story, but he wouldn’t push. Didn’t change the fact that Pope made an epic dick move. 

“I still deserve it. I don’t know how I’m going to make it up to them. Or to you even.” Somehow her head had ended up on his chest, but neither were complaining. The sun had finally set and the stars were bright above them. They both felt the same contentment they felt the last time they ended up in this position after ditching homecoming. 

“Trying is a good start. You don’t have to do much for me. Just come back to us.” 

He wasn’t entirely sure why he didn’t have eternal resentment towards her either. He hated when people left him, and he was beyond pissed when it finally hit him that she had gone full Kook. However, after being away from her for so long, JJ realized he missed her too much to be mad anymore. He just wanted her back. 

Before she could respond, her phone buzzing interrupted them. After opening it, she instantly sat up, startling JJ. 

“What’s wrong?” He placed an arm around her shoulder, looking at her phone. It was opened to Instagram, a group photo of a couple of Kooks he recognized. In the middle of the group was Kook Princess, Sarah Cameron, smiling with a literal crown on her head. 

“Sarah had a party and didn’t invite me.” Kiara mumbled. To an outsider, they would have thought this was no big deal, but he knows Kiara. She was upset, he could read it on her face. 

He also hears the gossip, mainly from all the girls who swoon over JJ while also spilling all the Kook drama. Last he heard, Sarah was purposely ditching Kiara for some new girl named Scarlett. He didn’t think it was true though, most of the drama was made up. 

“I knew this was gonna happen. She told me she always spends her actual birthday with her family, so I was hoping maybe the party would be next week or something.” Clearly it wasn’t. 

“What a bitch. Wanna talk about it?” He figured he knew the answer, but wanted to ask anyways.

“Not really.” Instead they opted for more comfortable silence. She started playing with the many rings on his fingers, her head once again placed on his chest. 

“I have to go soon.” Kiara said tiredly. 

“I wish you wouldn’t.” The words lingered in the air, many ends to that sentence unspoken. I wish you wouldn’t leave again. That’s what he meant. 

“You know I have to.” She stood up first, him following shortly after. “You should swing by the Wreck tomorrow. My dads got a huge shipment coming in, and could seriously use some help.” Classic Kie checking up on him, making sure he had work and some form of payment. 

“I’ll probably need to take you up on that.” They reached her bike that had been lazily tossed on the edge of the sand. 

“Oh, and JJ?” She looked at him with a soft expression. “What I told you today…”

“Your secrets’ safe with me, Kie. My lips are sealed.” And she believed him. 

Three weeks, many fights and hurtful words later, things had finally calmed again. She was still mad at Pope, but at least they could stand to be in a room together. John B finally broke down to her, and apparently it was the first time either JJ or Pope had seen him cry since his dad went missing. 

Things seemed good. They all felt happier with Kiara’s return. No one had really been checking in on JJ since she left, but now every time he came back from his Dad’s she checked for bruises and to see if he was okay. John B finally started opening up about Big John. Pope swallowed his pride and apologized for the awful things he said to her. Things were looking better. That didn’t last, of course.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I truly think that this is how JJ would react to her leaving/coming back... sorry if you don’t agree.
> 
> have a great day:))


	3. Bruises

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kiara is the only one who notices when JJ tries to hide his bruises, and any other affects he has from abuse. She learns how to be there for him, and tries her best to understand what he’s going through.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi! This chapter was inspired by a request and I’m really happy with how it turned out. 
> 
> Sorry if you guys had issues commenting on the last chapter, or if there were random replies... my A03 was just not working well.

Summer is when things finally become normal again. Kiara wasn’t forced to be in a school full of people who taunted her, and whom she despised right back. John B was still in denial about his dad, but at least he was opening up about him more. Pope truly felt terrible about the things he said to Kiara, and was trying desperately to make up for it. JJ was taking as many jobs as he could, and he started working at the Wreck every other weekend when they got new shipments in. 

Currently, the four were hanging at the beach, each laying next to their surfboards. Kiara brought them all breakfast bars as they prepared for a long day on the water. 

“Holy shit, it’s hot.” Pope complained while waxing his board. Both him and John B had already taken off their shirts, Kiara left in only her bathing suit. 

“You’re damn right it is. I’m going in!” John B stood up, waiting for the others to join him.

“Me too, you guys coming?” Pope asked, following John B’s lead. Kiara nodded, ready to cool down herself. 

“I think I’m gonna hang back.” JJ said, having yet to take off his t-shirt. The fact that he was in a regular shirt rather than a tank top with numerous holes in it was concerning enough, but him refusing to surf was unheard of. 

“What the hell? The JJ Maybank I know would never miss out on a chance to show off for me!” She tried to joke with him, but his expression remained cold. 

She could tell something was off all morning. His smiles were forced, and he’s barely spoken two words. It was the little things only Kiara noticed. His legs constantly shaking, his fingers fiddling with the string brackets that covered his wrists. 

“I’m just not in the mood.” She knew to let it go, but she wasn’t buying his excuse. Something was up, and she was determined to figure out what. 

***

Later that night, the boys decided to eat at the Wreck while Kiara completed her two hour shift. Although Kiara loves them all to death, she hates bringing them to her restaurant. They are never on their best behavior, and JJ seems to always smoke right before she has to work (what she doesn’t know is that JJ notices work stresses her out, so he brings weed to relax her). 

They decide to sit at a table close to the counter, which Kiara appreciates, because she can watch them while she’s working the register. She’s constantly checking on JJ, looking for any hints as to why he was upset earlier. 

She doesn’t know a lot about his home life. He certainly doesn’t like to talk about it. All he’s ever told her was a drunken rant about how his dad is an asshole, and that Kiara is never allowed near him. That confession, along with the sporadic bruises she knows aren't from fights, explains enough as to what happens behind closed doors. It makes her stomach coil at the thought. 

Only a few customers are left as it gets closer to the end of Kiara’s shift, and she can tell the guys are getting restless. Pope has an exasperated look on his face since he has to constantly reprimand the other two. JJ and John B can’t seem to keep their hands to themselves. She was about to refill their sodas as an attempt to calm them, when of course they had to act out.

John B had tried to wrestle JJ as a joke, first twisting JJ’s arm behind his back. In an act of retaliation, JJ spun around, but his reflexes weren’t fast enough. John B punched him in the chest, which caused JJ to fully wince.

“What a wimp! I barely hit him!” John B laughed, JJ tried to join in, but the forced laugh didn’t reach his eyes. 

Kiara contemplated questioning him now, but she figured it was smarter to wait until they were alone. 

“Can you guys, like, not kill each other? Literally wait ten more minutes and we can go.” 

***

JJ and Kiara were the only ones left. Pope had gone home, due to Heyward’s insane curfew, and John B had passed out after only a couple hits. 

“Absolutely not! I could easily take him!” The pair had been in a ten minute argument over which superheroes they could successfully fight. JJ was trying to argue that he would win in a fight against Iron Man.

“Well you couldn’t with that blow you took to the chest today! What was that?” She attempted a joke, but he instantly shut down. She knew she should have waited until JJ had more beer in his system. 

“It was nothing, just a little sore from working out.” He shifted in the hammock, creating more space between them, their arms no longer touching. 

“Oh yeah? Then lift up your shirt.” She didn’t know where the idea came from, to push him like this, but there was no turning back now. 

“You don't have to ask to get in my pants, you know? I’m down if you are.” JJ hopped off of the hammock, trying desperately to change the subject.

The real story was that his dad messed him up the night before, and the bruises lining his chest were too large to come up with a believable story. Usually he could come up with a cover for the injuries, even if Kiara almost always knew he was lying, but this was worse than usual. 

“I’m not fooling around, JJ! Lift up your shirt!” She also climbed down the hammock, stepping closer to him as he backed away.

“You're being creepy, Kie. I’m fine.” He started moving faster to get away from her. “If you want a show, we should wait for broad daylight. My abs look better in the sun.”

She finally had him cornered. His back was against the side of the house, and she used her knee to keep his legs down. 

“Just shut up.” She grabbed the bottom of his plain white T-shirt, and he finally gave in. 

Kiara let out a gasp at what she saw. Huge yellow and purple bruises covered his stomach and up to his collarbone. Her eyes started watering as she traced her fingers over the trauma.

“I’m okay, Kie, really. I got into a mix up with some guys- yeah, some guys from the marina. I mean, you should really see the others, they look worse than me.” He tried so hard to put up a persona, but she could see right through. 

“That’s bullshit and you know it.” Her voice became soft, as tears started falling down her cheeks. She couldn’t seem to find the right words, so she placed her hands on his shoulders, as if asking for permission. When he didn’t push her away, she fully wrapped her arms around his neck. He stiffened at first, but quickly gave in, pulling her small figure closer to his chest. 

He could feel her tears falling on his shoulder, and the thought made his heart ache. She shouldn’t be upset over him. He was fine. He was used to it.

“I’m really okay. I promise.” His voice came out raspier than he intended, almost as if the words couldn’t possibly be true. They weren’t. 

“I don’t want you to hide from us. Or from me. This is some serious shit. Shit you don’t deserve. Just let me be here for you.” Kiara didn’t know what else to say. She knew JJ hated being vulnerable, that this would probably make him feel too exposed, but she didn’t know what else to do. 

He let go of her, his back falling against the outside of the Chateau, until he was seated on the patchy grass. She sat next to him, grabbing his hand like she seemed to always do when they were alone. 

There was a long silence before he spoke again, and she wanted to give him time with his thoughts. “You’re the only one who notices.” 

“What?” She doesn’t understand what he means, except that his grip on her hand gets excruciatingly tighter, signaling that he was nervous. 

“You’re the only one who notices when something happens with my dad. No one- fuck. No one noticed when you were gone.” A flash of guilt consumed her. Another reason why her leaving was the worst decision she ever made. 

“I’m so sorry, JJ.” She turns to look at him, noticing a few stray tears that have fallen down his cheeks. They were both crying now, and it was almost comforting for JJ to know how much she cared. He hated that she was upset, but just knowing that someone was concerned for his well being was a new feeling for him.

“It's not your fault. I can deal with it on my own.” He took a shaky breath. “I’d come to school with a black eye, say I fell down the stairs, everyone believed me. I’d have a bruise on my cheek. Said I got elbowed during a basketball game. They believed me.” 

It was like ripping her heart out of her chest, to hear about the injuries she wasn’t there to take care of. It sounded like there were more than in the past, and this was horrifying to Kiara.

“They wanted to think that I was okay so badly, that they bought those bullshit excuses. Just ‘cause they wanted it to be true.” He sighed. “I mean, I wanted it to be true. Makes sense.”

Kiara shifted to face him, and lifted his shirt again. JJ gave in this time, allowing her to examine his wounds. “I’ll clean the cuts tomorrow.” She doesn’t even want to know how he got them. 

Kiara remembered how he once told her that when things got rough with his dad he liked to watch The Office. 

She smiled, his exact words being ‘The Office is the coping mechanism for all of my problems.’

She grabbed her laptop from her backpack, and quickly put on an episode. She felt JJ relax next to her, and she rested her head on his shoulder. 

For the first time in months, even in an awkward position, he felt safe. He laid his head on top of Kiara’s, breathing in her scent, falling asleep with a smile on his face.  
***

JJ wasn’t kidding when he says she’s the only one who notices. He lets it slip that he wants to surf, but doesn’t want John B or Pope to see the bruises, so they decide to go just the two of them. After being out on the water for a few hours, they decide it’s time to call it a day and head towards the beach. 

They don’t expect John B and Pope to arrive before JJ has a chance to get a shirt on. She thinks maybe it’s a good thing that the other two Pogues might see his bruises, so they could understand what JJ’s going through, but the panic in his eyes says otherwise. She quickly moves in the sand so that she is seated in front of him. 

When JJ catches on to her plan, he slightly picks her up and places her in his lap. This position shouldn’t be this natural, but John B and Pope don’t think anything of it, sitting down with them as if nothing is different. She’s almost positive this reaction is worse to them freaking out, but she pushes the thought to the back of her mind. 

***  
“Are you sure you don’t want to tell them? You know they won’t judge you.” They’re alone again, the other two are inside of a gas station, leaving JJ and Kiara outside to keep watch (John B is using his fake, and their job is to make sure no one from town who knows their actual age is coming inside.) 

“The fact that John B already knows but hasn’t figured out where the bruises are really from is bad enough.” JJ scoffed. “And in case you haven’t noticed, I’ve been a total bitch to Pope. I’m still pissed at him for what he did to you.”

It was true, JJ had completely shut out Pope.  
He refused to be alone in a room with him, and he ignored Pope for the rest of the school year.

“Pope and I talked it out and we’re cool. You don’t have to keep doing this for me.” She playfully swats at his shoulder, instantly regretting it when he tries to repress a wince. 

“Nah, I’m good with being a bitch.” He smiles, and for the first time in a while it seems genuine. 

***

This lasts for a long time, Kiara being the only one to notice. She mends the bruises, checks for broken ribs, and lets him crash in her room when things get too unbearable at home. It's a system she hates, but she’s thankful he can at least turn to her. 

He hates the feeling of burdening her with his issues. But when he can’t take the pain anymore, he always ends up at her bedroom window. That’s where a lot of their defining moments would end up taking place. Where he felt he could be vulnerable, but she could also lean on him. They could rely on each other, and this comfort they felt should have been a sign from the start that the two were destined to be something more.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Again, I’m really sorry about the commenting/replying issue. Have a great day!!


	4. Promises

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> JJ goes through an awful heartbreak and relies on the one person who knows how to help him.
> 
> (Doesn’t follow storyline of the show.)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter and most future chapters will not follow the actual storyline of the show. Just wanted to give you guys a heads up ;)

JJ never knew what it felt like to be loved. No one had said “I love you” to him since the night his mom left. He still remembered that night vividly. It was the worst day of his life.

His parents had been fighting for months, but the night prior to when Elaine Maybank would abandon her only son, something horrible had happened. JJ remembered listening through the crack in his bedroom door to see what the topic of the fight was this time. They were shouting back and forth about Luke’s drinking habits.

They had become significantly worse, and he was very drunk during the fight. Luke eventually lost his temper, and all JJ could hear was multiple crashes. 

Ten year old JJ ran out of his room to find his mother passed out on the floor. He remembered seeing a black eye forming, and blood dripping through her dirty blonde hair. 

The next night, JJ was woken from his light sleep by a kiss on his forehead. He shot up in his bed, assuming Luke was the one waking him up. Instead, he saw his mother looking over him, her tears falling onto JJ’s pillow. “I’ll come back for you JJ. I promise.” She kissed his head again. 

He was too tired to process what she meant, so instead he leaned in to hug her. “I love you.” Elaine whispered, running her fingers through his hair.

When Elaine whispered to her son, those words didn’t have any effect on JJ. Six years later and it was the last time he had ever heard them. He would constantly replay the memory in his mind when he needed a reminder of his mother.

He never thought he’d hear those words again, but this all changed on a particularly hot summer night. A lot of events would lead up to JJ’s true epiphany of happiness. 

The day started with Kiara and Pope walking in on Kiara’s definition of hell. Sarah and John B full on macking. 

“What the hell?” Kiara yelled out. The feeling of betrayal sunk in as she viewed the one thing she never saw coming. She didn’t care if John B was the only one who didn’t know what happened between her and Sarah, he should have known better. There was rarely a day that went by without Kiara voicing her utter hatred of Sarah Cameron. 

Kiara stormed out of the house before she could hear some bullshit excuse, sprinting out to the docks. 

JJ arrived at the Chateau moments later, looking for one curly haired girl in particular. With blurry vision, JJ walked into the house at the risk of getting caught in a vulnerable state by his friends. He didn’t care, he needed her. “Where’s Kie?”

JJ wiped his eyes, and the sight in front of him was baffling. Sarah Cameron with her shirt half off, stood next to a disheveled John B and a very annoyed looking Pope. “Wait, what the hell?”

John B chuckled slightly, “Yeah, we just got a similar reaction.” 

“So, like, are you two?” JJ pointed between John B and Sarah. They both shrugged, leaving JJ exasperated. “You guys suck. Guessing it didn’t go well with Kie?” 

All three shook their heads. “Where is she?”   
Her presence was notably absent from the room. 

“Outside.” Pope answered. The other two awkwardly avoided eye contact, and JJ had to hold himself together before punching John B right then and there. 

What was he thinking? Getting with Sarah? That’s the only thing he could possibly do to completely break Kiara’s trust.

Kiara could hear footsteps on the dock, figuring it was John B she muttered, “Go away.” She looked up to see the only person who could make her feel better at the moment and instantly relaxed. “Oh, it’s you. You can stay.”

He sat down next to her, and she noticed the reminiscent tears on his face. “Wait, what happened?” 

“It’s nothing. What’s more important is how John B is a stupid asshole.” JJ attempted a smile.

“Shut up about John B! What happened?” She pushed, her patience running low. When he didn’t respond, she placed both of her hands on his cheeks and wiped his tears. “Talk to me.” 

He had planned on telling her what happened, since he relied on her most of the time when something happened with his dad. He either ranted to her or suffered in silence. But this was different. Something he never expected to hear. 

JJ sighed, “I got a call from my grandma. Like, my mom’s mom who I haven’t heard from since she dipped.” He let out a shaky breath, determined not to cry. “She’s dead. My mom’s dead.”

Kiara was at a loss for words. This was the first time where she didn’t know exactly the right thing to say to him. Usually she held him, let him either cry or lay in self pity, and she’d tell him his worth. Now, this was different. She never met his mom. JJ never mentioned what caused her to leave, and no one really knew the full story. 

Instead, she grabbed his hand and pulled his entire body closer to her. He silently cried on her shoulder, something he rarely did in front of her. 

“I’m sorry.” She whispered. She regretted saying anything at all, because JJ fully tensed. He broke from their embrace and walked off, mumbling something about needing to get home. 

“JJ!” Kiara called after him, following him to the end of the docks. “JJ hold on!”

He finally stopped, and when she caught up to him, he crashed into her again. Kiara slowly ran her fingers through his hair, an action she knew calmed him. This time he broke down, his sobs loud and painful.

“She broke her promise.” He murmured into Kiara’s shoulder. “I didn’t care that she left. I would just pray that she was planning on coming back and taking me away from him! And now…” His sobs got louder as his breaths became shorter. 

“Breathe with me, okay? In and out.” She guided him as best as she could, breaking the hug to slow his breaths. 

Back inside the house, the other Pogues along with Sarah watched the interaction through the screened in porch. 

“Should we see what’s wrong?” Pope asked worriedly. He disregarded Sarah completely, the question clearly aimed at John B.

“No, Kie’s got it.” John B answered, although just as concerned. He hadn’t seen JJ cry in years. The last time being the night his mom left. JJ ran away from home after his mom ran out, turning to John B before passing out from pure exhaustion. They were only 10, and even then John B understood that JJ’s childhood was messed up. 

John B was right, Kiara did have it handled. She got the blonde to calm down enough that he was able to come inside the house without feeling too vulnerable. He immediately headed to Big John’s (old) room, ready for a sleepless night filled with nightmares. JJ instructed Kiara to tell the others about what happened, since he didn’t think he could possibly say those words again. 

“Can I talk to you two alone?” She gestured to Pope and John B. They both nodded and began to follow, and to Kiara’s surprise, Sarah didn’t interrupt. She led the boys to the porch.

“JJ wanted me to tell you guys this ‘cause he’s not doing good.” She paused to gain her composure. “His mom died.” 

John B and Pope both gasped, completely heart broken for their best friend. “Did he say how it happened?”

Just having to answer that question caused silent tears to fall down Kiara’s face. “Suicide.”

That was all they needed to hear before heading towards JJ’s room. John B knocked on the door before entering, the other two following behind. “Kie told us what happened, J. How’re you doing?” John B sat on the bed next to where JJ lay. 

“Can I just be alone?” He groaned, twisting to be face down in the pillow. JJ hated being vulnerable to anyone, that’s how he was raised. He doesn’t know how to, so instead he pushed everyone away. 

“Yeah, whatever your need. Let us know if you need anything.” Pope said before exiting the room.

“Remember, I make an insane ‘old fashioned if you need one.” John B attempted a joke, receiving a middle finger in return. He took that as his sign to leave.

Kiara made her way to exit as well before JJ whispered, “Not you, Kie. Please stay.”

She gave him a sad smile, nodded, and climbed into the bed with him. He pulled her closer, placing her head on his chest. His breaths became calmer, her own heartbeat relaxing to his chest rising and falling. 

“When she left… she was the last person to ever say ‘I love you’ to me.” He spoke absentmindedly, staring at the ceiling, his fingers playing with Kiara’s curls. 

Kiara’s heart broke yet again at the statement. She realized she needed to swallow her own pride about her fear of the phrase, and remind him how truly loved he is. “I love you JJ. I’m sorry I don’t say it more.” 

For a truly awful day, JJ felt happier than he could ever remember. Not only did someone tell him they loved him and really meant it, but it was the girl who always seemed to be the one to put him back together. He smiled, a bittersweet feeling taking over. 

The moment felt so intimate between the two, that Pope regretted eavesdropping on them. He honestly just wanted to make sure JJ was okay, but he ended up overhearing a private confession between them. Pope had never seen JJ cry. He’d never heard him speak like this. He wondered if Kiara had seen this side of him before, and maybe that was why JJ never held a grudge against her.

It made no sense to anyone why JJ was so inclusive to someone who abandoned him. When Kiara left, Pope thought he must have been under reacting compared to how JJ should have been feeling. JJ is constantly abandoned, that’s why he never opens up to anyone. Pope finally started to understand why JJ didn’t have an everlasting hatred towards Kiara. His love was too overbearing. 

In the future when Pope would foolishly make a move on Kiara, he always looked back on this moment as to when he went wrong. He should have known better than to make a move on her. Her heart belonged somewhere else. But this wouldn’t happen for months, and he was too naive to realize it.


	5. Scars

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> JJ discovers Kiara’s scars. Something she attempted to keep hidden for ages, and yet he broke through all her walls.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> tw: mention of self harm. (it doesn’t get super detailed, but if you feel uncomfortable at the subject feel free to skip.) remember you are valued and loved. You have worth. I love you.

JJ always had a sixth sense where he could sense when something was wrong with Kiara. He could usually tell when any of his friends were upset, he was weirdly good at reading people. But he didn’t even have to be looking at Kiara or even in the same room to know if she needed him. 

This sense kicked in during a particularly inconvenient moment for JJ. He was macking on a Touron with hair just like Kiara’s (but that’s totally not the reason why he chose her out of the 20 other girls drooling over him) when his phone started ringing off the hook. Pissed off, the Touron pushed him off mumbling, “Just answer it, for fucks sake.”

“What?” He muttered, annoyed at the interruption. There was muffling on the other end of the phone before a voice responded, “Sorry bro. It’s Kie. She’s crying, and uh, we weren’t really sure what to do and now she’s, like, wheezing - oh crap.” Pope rambled frantically, JJ struggling to keep up from the music blaring at the Boneyard.

“Hold on, I can’t hear you.” He abandoned the Touron - - after being told off in spanish curses he only knew from his old babysitter - - to get to a more quiet part of the beach. 

“I don’t really know but she keeps asking for you. How fast can you get to the Chateau?” 

“Give me five.” He had already made his way towards the beat up shack, knowing his friends could not handle whatever Kiara was going through. 

Meanwhile at the Chateau, Hell was quite literally breaking loose. Kiara entered the house crying, not even bothering to make some sny comment at the sight of Sarah.

John B tried talking to her, but she couldn’t let her guard down, her anger still present even months later. They had fallen back into old patterns, drinking and going out on the marsh together, but she couldn’t open up to him. Not yet, at least. 

Sarah knew better than to try and intervene.  
She was a little concerned as to why John B and Pope trusted JJ to help this. She had been around JJ enough times to know that he wasn’t great with words or feelings. Why they assumed he could help was beyond her, but it was none of her business. 

When he finally arrived, Sarah was utterly shocked at how well JJ handled the situation. The other two boys had huddled around Kiara, failing miserably at calming her. At the sight of JJ, Kiara shoved them out of the way, practically jumping into his arms. He held her loosely, clearly having experience in comforting her. 

“I brought weed.” JJ whispered into her ear, causing her to giggle through her tears. He looped his fingers with hers, leading her outside. 

John B sat beside Sarah placing a kiss on her temple, “I don’t even know why I try anymore.” She smiled leaning into his touch, “They’re close. It’s kind of a weird match, isn’t it?” Sarah pondered, but John B merely shrugged and cracked open a beer.

Outside, JJ brought Kiara out to the hammock, rolling the blunt with annoying ease. He granted her the first hit, which she was very grateful for. He didn’t ask what happened, he knew she’d tell him eventually (and the weed would definitely help). 

She moved slightly towards him to lay her head on his shoulder. Faster than expected, the blunt was gone and comfortable silence took over them. 

“I asked my mom if I could go off of my anxiety meds and she doesn’t think I’m ready.” Her hands were shaking as she spoke, her voice getting caught in her throat. “I just hate the way they make me feel, and I swear I can manage… but she still doesn’t trust me.” 

JJ grabbed her hands to stop them from shaking. “She’s just looking out for you.” He traced patterns on her fingers to distract her. He knew it worked.

“Looking out for me? She’s making me take a medication I don’t need!” Kiara shot up from the hammock, the sudden change in balance making JJ flip off of it. 

“Don’t take this the wrong way, seriously, but-“ He paused to ensure he could think of the right words. “- are you sure you don’t need them?” He kept his voice calm, this having been something he wanted to talk to her about for ages. 

“What are you trying to say JJ?” She was starting to snap, her voice wavering and getting increasingly louder with every word. 

“You think I haven’t seen the signs? The huge bracelets? How you never want to be alone? All the times I’ve woken up on the pullout with you shaking or crying?” The truth was he didn’t regret what he said. He had been trying to talk to her about the things he noticed, but she always tried to excuse her way out of it. 

She stood in front of him stunned. Of course it was him who saw the scars on her wrists. He had to be the one to notice the red flags. He really had to stay true to being JJ.

“I need to go.” She grabbed her phone from the hammock before storming back into the Chateau. She heard shouting from behind her, but she couldn't face him. She couldn’t go home, so she opted for Big John’s vacant room, locking the door behind her. She could feel herself begin to cry yet again and she hated the feeling.

She not only felt embarrassed, but she was ashamed. She was supposed to be strong for her friends, especially JJ. After he opened up to her, she found a reason to fight. It sounds terrible, but after hearing about all of the things that Luke - - Kiara refused to him call a father - - did to JJ, she realized she couldn’t inflict even more pain on him willingly. 

“Kie, let me in!” JJ rattled the doorknob. “Fucking hell! I’m sorry, please talk to me.”

Kiara reluctantly opened the door due to the fear of JJ letting something slip in front of the others. “I don’t want to make this a big deal, okay? I’m fine.” 

He could read right through her. She shrugged her shoulders and wouldn’t meet his eyes - a major tell that she was lying. “It’s okay to talk to me if you're not fine. I’m always here.” He took a step closer to her, and surprisingly she didn’t back away. “You made that same promise to me, so I’m here for you.”

The promise. The promise Kiara made that she would always be there for him, no matter how messed up the circumstances were. What if he didn’t think she could handle his demons after she showed him hers? 

“I can’t do this.” She shut down again, brushing past him and heading towards the kitchen. She lifted up the shelf in the fridge where Big John hid the beer (John B kept up the tradition even months later) opening what inevitably would be a terrible decision.

“I won’t trust you any less with the battles in my mind. You’re the only one who I show them to, you and I both know that.” He sat across from her, trying to stay as relaxed as he could be. He figured out throughout the years that the only way to get through to her was with a calm front.

She walked away again, her temper getting the best of her. “You have way bigger problems that my stupid ones JJ! Just forget it!”

JJ shot up, his chair falling behind him in the process. He angrily walked up to her, towering above her. “Don’t you dare say that again. I don’t care if you get a fucking paper cut, I want to know about it. That’s important. So shut the fuck up about what I go through and don’t be a hypocrite.” 

It was intimidating, the change in his persona. Not only his words, but the way he looked while saying them. She felt a burning feeling in her stomach, but she refused to label them as ‘butterflies.’ They couldn’t be. 

“Okay.” Kiara whispered, falling into him. He wrapped his arms around her again, this time more firm. “I’m being an idiot. I’m just not ready.” 

He pulled out of the hug halfway and grabbed her wrist. He moved the bracelets and winced at the scars he saw underneath. “Just stop hurting yourself, please. For me. And if you feel like you have to-“

“I know who to call. ‘Specially since you have a phone now.” She smiled sadly, messing up the front of his blonde waves. 

Sarah didn’t mean to intrude in the private moment, but she knew she would make it more awkward if she tried to sneak out of the living room. She was baffled by the fact that when she asked if JJ and Kiara had ever hooked up, John B and Pope laughed for what felt like an eternity. How could they be so blind? He clearly cared for her in a way she sometimes wished John B did for her.

Sometimes it felt like John B only wanted to talk about his problems. Not that he didn’t have a right to, he had himself convinced his father was alive. But she had a lot of things going on in her family too, and every time she tried to talk about them, John B made it about him. Of course she loved him too much to be mad at that, but clearly JJ put himself before Kiara always. (Later when she would find out about JJ’s home life, her first thought was how he was selfless enough when it came to Kiara, that he not only worked through his problems for her, but he would help solve hers too.)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> remember I love you and you are worth it. if you need a reason to stay 1. Don’t let Trump out live you and 2. We need JJ and Kiara to actually get together- wait for season two.


	6. An Outsider’s Point of View

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sarah noticed the connection between JJ and Kiara more than anyone else. The moments that she happened to walk in on would end up being the most pivotal in JJ and Kiara’s relationship.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is told from Sarah’s point of view. So far I’ve mainly written just the POV of JJ and Kiara, so this is new. Hope you like it :)

All of the pogues wished JJ would stop going home. Kiara and John B because they knew about the abuse he endured, and although Pope didn’t, he did know that JJ was always in a mood whenever he returned from a visit with his dad. Sarah had yet to learn about JJ’s home life, and that was because Kiara didn’t go around spilling her friend’s private lives, and John B pretended that if he didn’t talk about it, it couldn’t be true. 

This would all change inevitably. Sarah and John B returned from a date one Saturday evening at a relatively late time. Sarah decided she was too tired to drive home, so she had planned on crashing at the Chateau. “I’ll be back in like 20, I told Heyward I would dock his delivery boat and I completely flaked.” John B kissed Sarah quickly before grabbing his car keys and heading for the docks. 

Sarah made her way toward his room, looking for something to change into. She was deciding between John B’s Metallica T-shirt or his old basketball sweatshirt, when she heard whispering from the bathroom. Assuming it was JJ, she thought nothing of it, until she recognized Kiara as the other voice. She made her way towards the door to try and eavesdrop. (Cut the girl some slack, she’s been trying to get them together ever since she had discovered the undeniable chemistry they shared.)

“You can’t go back to him anymore.” Kiara’s voice whispered. Sarah tried to look through the crack in the door without getting noticed, but all she could see was JJ’s back facing it. Kiara was holding onto him like he was her lifeline, her head resting on his neck. Sarah could tell by the strain in her voice that she had been crying. 

“Can we not talk about him right now?” JJ whispered back, this time playing with her curls. Sarah had noticed this was a habit of JJ’s. Whenever he seemed upset or anxious he played with his bracelets and rings, Kiara’s curls, her own bracelets, and sometimes even her fingers. 

“But we have to. This isn’t healthy, J. You can’t keep going home.” Her voice was louder this time, giving Sarah a more clear idea of what she was saying. “You just can’t.” 

JJ broke from her grasp, pacing back in forth in the tiny bathroom. “I don’t have anywhere else to go.” Kiara seemed to be affected by what he had said, storming up to him and grabbing his face. “Yes you do. You can come in my window whenever you need, just like you already do. You crash at John B’s almost every night anyways. I’m telling you that you have to stop seeing him.” 

JJ deflected her staggering gaze by twisting one of her curls again. Kiara smiled at the movement, before getting serious again, “No more visits. No more helping him out with bills. None of it.” 

Sarah was beyond confused at this point. She wasn’t sure what the topic of conversation was about. She figured it wasn’t worth staying any longer, until she caught sight of JJ’s face in the cracked door. He had a huge bruise on the side of his cheek and a busted lip.

“I can’t just abandon him. He’s my dad.”

“Yeah, well a dad doesn’t treat a son like he does.” Kiara fired back. “He’s a monster.”

His dad. JJ’s own flesh and blood did that to him. How long had this been going on? Did John B know? Kiara is right, why is he still seeing him? Sarah had so many questions, but quickly had to snap back to reality as Kiara was walking towards the door. She ran back into John B’s bedroom and closed the door quietly behind her. She heard the sound of the coffee machine — the Pogues all chipped in on an actual “luxury” coffee maker— making Sarah assume they would be up for awhile.

She then heard the Twinkie pull into the driveway, so she figured if John B didn’t already know about JJ’s relationship with his father, he would now. Sarah opened the bedroom door slightly to try and view the scene. John B entered the house and automatically noticed JJ and Kiara in the kitchen. 

“Shit, not again. Are you alright?” John B stood awkwardly in front of JJ. So he did know. 

“Yeah I’m fine, go be with your girlfriend.” JJ muttered back, not meeting his gaze. John B nodded before making his way back to Sarah. 

The girl in question was furious. Even if he did know about what was happening with JJ, why wasn’t he more concerned? “What the hell was that?” Sarah pushed as soon as he entered the room. 

“I’m not sure what you're talking about.” He made his way towards his dresser, partially undressing. 

“What just happened with JJ. Why don’t you care more?” He sat down on the bed next to her, “It’s been happening since we were kids. I’m just used to seeing him like that.” 

This caused Sarah to slightly lose her temper. “That doesn’t make it any better! He’s your best friend! You can’t just sit back and watch him go through this!” 

John B slammed his phone down on the dresser, startling the livid girl in front of him. “You think I like seeing him like this? Of course not! But it’s easier to ignore it than to admit that your best friend is suffering and there is nothing you can do about it.” 

“Of course you can do something John B. You can be there for him at the bare minimum.” Sarah whispered. She sat down next to him again, concerned a stern front would shut him down. 

“Why do you even care? ‘Gotta crush on him, or ‘sum?” He brushed her off. Sarah officially gave up, throwing on the dirty pair of vans she tossed in the corner. 

“I’m going home.”

***

Sarah looked at Kiara differently now that she had accidentally seen both vulnerable exchanges between JJ and Kiara. She now checked Kiara’s wrists whenever she could, and tried to discreetly ask her how she’s doing. She also tried her best to bite her tongue when JJ made some quip at her now that she knew why he kept up a tough guy front. 

The girls spent the day shopping on the mainland, and were on the ferry home. Sarah decided that now was the time to ask Kiara about JJ. She couldn’t ignore the clear connection between the two. 

It was starting to get annoyingly obvious how JJ and Kiara were definitely into each other. She had seen it the night of Homecoming, when through an outsiders point of view, they looked like a couple. Kiara had made some excuse about him being the best date she could get last minute, and she never really went into detail about their past as friends. Now, seeing them like this was different. Her thoughts on JJ aside, she could tell he was special to her. 

“Hey Kiara?” Sarah asked, placing their bags down on the bench, getting comfortable by the edge of the ferry.

“Oh no, you’re doing the annoying voice that only comes out when you're high. Either you smoked in the bathroom or you're about to ask me something really weird.” Kiara complained, sitting beside the blonde girl with a sigh. “This can’t be good.” 

Sarah giggled nervously knowing Kiara was right.  
“It’s about JJ.” Immediately Kiara tensed. She knew Sarah was going to bring up what she saw at some point. She had stormed out of the Chateau the week prior after JJ had a particularly bad night with his dad. He had been icing his eye with a bag of frozen peas when Sarah awkwardly walked in on the moment. She was in such a rush that she didn’t ask questions, leaving both Kiara and JJ relieved. They decided if Sarah asked about what happened they would say he had a run in with some Kooks. 

“Oh yeah, about that. Kelce and Topper gave him a rough time at a party that night. That’s all.” Not only is Kiara a terrible liar and Sarah already knew the truth, but she did know for a fact Topper was in Georgia for some family reunion. But that wasn’t what she wanted to ask her about anyway. 

“That sucks, sorry about them. I actually wasn’t going to ask you about that, though.”

“Oh. Then what about JJ?” Kiara was sincerely confused. She could barely admit to herself her budding feelings for JJ, let alone talk about them to another person. 

“I mean it’s pretty obvious he likes you. And you totally like him back, but that’s not that point.” Sarah tried to make the conversation light, but she knew either way Kiara was not going to take this easily.

“Hey! It’s not like that at all. We’re just friends.” She brushed it off, but she felt like screaming. Of course Sarah had to be the one to figure it out. Pope was too into Kiara to be able to see anything other than what he wanted to, and John B was oblivious in every way. 

“Keep telling yourself that.”

***

Naturally Sarah did not let the topic go, but it wasn’t like Kiara made any effort to change her behavior with JJ. Sarah found them passed out on the pullout the following night together, Kiara completely sprawled out over him. The next morning Kiara threw up violently after getting crossed, and JJ spent over an hour holding her hair back.

At a party at the Boneyard JJ practically got himself killed, when a Kook got touchy with Kiara— but the Kook happened to have a gun. Kiara cried for an hour after what happened and refused to talk to anyone. After she calmed down, she stormed out of the bathroom she had locked herself into and straight to JJ. Sarah could have sworn that the tension between them would have lead to a make-out session, but instead she softened her glare, and silently cried in his embrace. 

It had reached Kiara’s birthday, and Sarah was hopeful that today would mean progress for the couple she was trying to create. It was just past sunset, and the five of them sat on the lawn chairs in front of the Chateau, each nursing a beer. 

“Open mine first!” John B said enthusiastically, handing Kiara a poorly wrapped gift. Sarah let out a breathy laugh, “I tried to wrap it but he insisted on doing it himself.” After opening John B’s house plant, Pope’s book on marine life, and a clearly very expensive Kate Spade phone case from Sarah, it was JJ’s turn. 

“Sorry Kie, ‘couldn’t get anything. I could give you a smooch, if you want.” He chuckled as Kiara slapped his shoulder, unfazed. Sarah didn’t understand why Kiara didn’t care, she would have been pissed if her friend didn’t get her a gift. As they headed back into the Chateau after cake, Sarah was still upset that JJ hadn’t gotten Kiara a gift, counting on the fact that he could maybe outshine John B and Pope’s gifts, which wasn’t likely. Anything was better than nothing. 

Sarah decided to crash at the Chateau yet again, but this time as a sleepover with Kiara. The two girls watched Clueless and ate popcorn until they passed out from a sugar rush. Around 3 in the morning Sarah, a notorious light sleeper, heard whispering from outside of the screened in porch.

“I love it.” She saw Kiara clearly, but she couldn’t see who else was out there in the darkness. Kiara shifted her back to the person. Confused, Sarah moved closer to the window, and realized JJ was on the porch swing next to her. He helped her clasp a necklace around her neck. 

“Why didn’t you give it to me before?” She laid down swinging her legs over JJ’s.

“I didn’t have the money to get you anything nice, and I didn’t know if you’d like it. ‘Didn’t wanna pressure you into pretending to like it in front of an audience.”

Kiara sat up in a rush, almost knocking both of them off of the swing. “I’m not pretending. I really do love it, and since you made it, it’s even more special.” 

Sarah woke the next morning to see a new necklace lined with shells and beads on Kiara’s neck. Kiara was right, it was beautiful, even with the beat up string and uneven shells. It was JJ.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you enjoyed. Please comment and leave kudos.... it motivates me for future chapters. Have a great rest of ur day :))


	7. Our Last Summer

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kiara finally realizes what she’s feeling isn’t completely platonic...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is a short one, but don’t worry it’s leading to a long juicy one!!

Kiara didn’t remember when things changed. All she knew was after Sarah had questioned her about her feelings for JJ, she couldn’t stop thinking about him. She didn’t want it to be him. He was the one friendship she couldn’t lose. And so, she shoved down her feelings, and tried to keep them hidden. Did it stay that way? Of course not. 

She found herself feeling something more intense towards him in her attempt of denial. She wasn’t scared of rejection, or putting herself out there, she was scared of the what if’s and the possibility of losing him. Instead, she avoided him. 

“Where have you been?” Pope asked one night when the three boys came by the Wreck for dinner. 

“What do you mean?” Kiara asked, but she assumed she knew where the conversation was going. She had fallen into old habits of skipping plans with the Pogues. Being around JJ was starting to become unbearable now that she knew her feelings were; real. It was selfish, she knew that, avoiding JJ when she was the only one who helped him deal with his abuse. She just needed to clear her head.

“We haven’t seen you in weeks!” Pope yelled back, clearly not much having changed since the last time this happened.

“Sorry I’ve been busy.”

“Heard that one before.” John B muttered. JJ stayed silent the whole meal.

***

The next two weeks Kiara picked up more than necessary extra shifts just to avoid seeing the Pogues and Sarah. She was receiving a never ending amount of angry texts and calls, and did everything in her power to not give in to them. 

Kiara lay awake one night, somehow unable to fall asleep even through her pure exhaustion from her hours and hours of work.

JJ hadn’t come back to her window since he took the hint that Kiara didn’t want to see him. Nothing had even happened at home - - he’d been staying at John B’s all week - - but he just needed to be near her again. He opened the window, barley balancing at the edge, and climbing through quietly. 

The routine they had fallen into would start with JJ coming through the window, slip into Kiara’s bed without saying anything, and eventually one of them would cave and hold on to the other. There were the exceptions- - the late nights Kiara would call him crying and she didn’t even have to say anything before he ended up at her window. The times JJ would end up in her room, vulnerable, and knowing she was the only one who knew just what to say. Tonight, he just needed to be im

He lay next to her, kicking off his dirty work boots (her number one rule was no shoes in the bed.) “You awake?” JJ whispered. She always was, but he still always asked it. 

“Sadly.” She turned on her elbow to face him. He stayed laying on his back, staring at the ceiling. “How’ve you been?”

“Well you would know if you’d stop ditching me.” His tone was light for the passive aggressive words he was saying. “Again.”

Now that hurt Kiara, a reminder that this wasn’t the first time she had left him. It shouldn’t be that big a deal, them not seeing each other every second of every day, but that’s what the Pogues did. They swam, fished, and drank, everyday all together. “I’m sorry. I’ve just been so busy and-“

“Cut the crap. I know it’s bullshit, so just tell me one thing, okay? Did I do something?” His voice remained calm. He never raised his voice at her, and he didn’t intend on upsetting her. He just wanted answers. 

“No, you didn’t. It’s just… I- I don’t know.” She rambled. She sat up on her elbow, looking down at him. 

“I can’t lose you again.” He still stared directly at the ceiling, knowing he’d probably start crying if he made eye contact with her.

“You're not losing me! How did I let it get like this?” She didn’t mean to say the last part out loud, but she couldn’t help but think it.

Silence overtook them as Kiara struggled to catch her breath and JJ bit his lip, hoping if it bled maybe that would stop him from crying. It didn’t. 

“You make me weak. I can say things - - out loud, that I never thought I could. I trust you more than myself and anyone else. So please, don’t walk out on me now.” He gave into the pull that made him look at her. She looked guiltily, and he hated that he made her feel that way. 

“You're not. You’re not losing me. I’m sorry.” She fell into his chest and he held her tightly. She sobbed into his shirt, and he let her. She was being selfish, and she knew it. She just had to be strong enough to ignore her feelings if that meant having JJ in her life.

She fell asleep shortly after, and naturally she woke up alone. JJ never stayed until the morning. He claimed it was just in case one of her parents walked in, but now Kiara wasn’t so sure.  
***

Sarah was on a vacation to the Bahamas, leaving the Pogues to act like old times. Kiara, John B, and JJ (mainly John B) didn’t have to hide weed, they could y’all shit about Kooks, and most importantly they could have a sleepover without any gross PDA. Or, at least, that’s what they thought would happen. 

It was JJ’s turn to pick the movie, and with no shame he chose his favorite: Mamma Mia.

“What can I say? Meryl Streep and ABBA? That’s a man’s dream movie.” (What he didn’t mention was how Kiara also loved ABBA, and throughout the entire movie would dance and sing like there was no tomorrow. He loved her singing, especially during “Our Last Summer.” But that’s totally not the reason why he picks it every time.) 

John B passed out within the first 20 minutes of the movie, as usual. Pope was big on ‘movie etiquette’ however he couldn’t stand Mamma Mia, and was on his phone secretly. Eventually, endless rounds of Candy Crush couldn’t entertain him so he opted for sleep instead. 

When Kiara was sure both boys were knocked out, she moved to sit next to JJ on the couch. “Hey.” 

“Lollipop?” He proposed, handing her a chocolate tootsie pop (her favorite). She accepted it and opened the wrapper. 

“I thought you might stay this time.” She said after humming the rest of Dancing Queen to herself. 

“I’ve never stayed before.” He took his attention away from the movie, genuinely confused at what she was saying. The truth was, he didn’t know why he didn’t stay until morning. Sometimes he felt like an intruder. Mainly it was because he couldn’t wake up next to her, hungover, or after a vulnerable exchange, and he didn’t trust himself to hold back from saying something stupid. Like the last sleepover they had, when he woke up and mumbled “you look beautiful.” Not realizing Kiara was awake, he panicked and spilled coffee on himself. 

“What if I want you to?” She practically whispered. Pope’s snores interrupted them, both mentally noting they were the only ones awake. 

JJ pulled Kiara towards him in response, resting her head on his shoulder. “Why do we keep doing this to ourselves, Kie?”

“Doing what?” She could tell he was nervous since he started playing with his rings. 

“Pretending like we don’t care about each other.” He answered flatly. Kiara didn’t understand what he meant. Of course she cared about him, and she knew he cared about her. 

“What are you talking-“ 

“You want me to stay until morning, but you flinch when I try and hold your hand in public. You can hug me and tell me you love me, but you can’t be nice to me in front of anyone?” 

“I don’t… I don’t get it. What are you saying?” She was almost at a lost for words. Could he maybe feel the same way? Was all of the shoving down her feelings and avoiding him over?

“Why are you ashamed of me?” His voice was raw, a contrast to the anger present in his voice before. 

“Ashamed of you?” Kiara felt her voice getting louder by the word, but at this point she didn’t care about the sleeping idiots on the floor. “I am not and could not be ashamed of you.”

JJ stood up from the couch, pacing in front of the screen. “Then why can’t you be, I don’t know, the way you are to me when no ones looking, around anyone else?” 

She knew, for once, exactly why she did that. She was subconsciously pushing him away. By being close to him when it was just the two of them, somehow that made it less real. “I don’t know.” She lied. She couldn’t possibly tell him the truth. “But it’s not because I’m ashamed of you.” 

“Well I don’t fucking know what else it could be then.” He muttered to himself, sitting back down on the couch. The way he responded consumed Kiara with even more guilt. She sat beside him again, this time prepared for what to say. 

“You know I love you right?” She asked, this time more gentle. JJ nodded, eyes glued to the screen. “I don’t know how I can change, but I’ll try.” He slung his arm around her in response, placing a kiss on her head. She blushed, but again blamed that on the intimacy, rather than who it was coming from. 

The movie reached Our Last Summer, and JJ almost couldn’t contain his excitement. It was rare that Kiara would sing for her boys, but this song did something to her. Sure enough, she began to sing, and JJ felt his heart swell. “I can still recall, our last summer. I still see it all.” 

Looking down on her, JJ felt something different than he had before. Her smile was small, but he could still picture it in the darkness. “Walks along the Seine. Laughing in the rain. Our last summer. Memories that remain.” 

“I love- um, your voice.” He caught himself before he could say anything dumb. He almost told her that he loved her. Which, he did, and although he never told her, she knew. But saying I love you was a big deal to him, and he promised himself the next time he’d say it, he’d be in love. Like, head over heels in love with someone. (And somehow he had himself convinced he didn’t feel that way for Kiara.) 

***

“I don’t think I can do this anymore.” Kiara sat beside Sarah on the floor of the Chateau. The boys had gone out to pick up food for dinner, and Kiara chose this moment to confide in the blonde beside her. “I’m going to have to see him with all these girls tonight. Again.” 

Sarah grabbed her hand in a platonic way, giving it a light squeeze. “You know you could always tell him how you feel.”

“But I can’t! It’s not fair to him. He needs me, and I can’t risk losing that by telling him how I feel.” The thought of losing him was a little ironic, considering she tried to ditch him again out of pure fear of jeopardizing their friendship. 

Hours later Kiara was wasted, almost beyond wasted at this point. She couldn’t bear to see JJ with the flock of girls surrounding him, so she opted for lots of alcohol instead. She lost Sarah before any of the girls even began to get drunk enough to swarm JJ. She assumed John B was with her, since she couldn’t find him either. She had been talking to a guy she sort of recognized from the Kook academy. He seemed nice enough, and he had the same views on politics as she did. (A real dealbreaker for Kiara was Trump Supporting Conservatives). 

She didn’t remember drinking that much, but she felt worse than the night she came out to her Mom and she decided it was “just a phase.” Her vision was becoming fuzzy, and panic set in. She couldn’t pass out in front of a guy she barely knew, not in today’s world. She could vaguely spot Pope busy in a game of beer pong, and JJ had disappeared from the log he had been sitting on 10 minutes prior. “JJ!” She yelled out, but she couldn’t keep her eyes open any longer.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Left it on a little cliffhanger, sorry. Have a great day :)


	8. Okay, okay?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> JJ finds Kiara after she’s been drugged. He decides he cannot be that guy for her, because of his baggage. Naturally, that does not end well.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Buckle up people, we’ve got a long one. ;))

He heard his name, and he knew who said it. Immediately he jumped up from his seat, beside yet another girl with tan skin and curls - - again, totally not supposed to be Kiara. “Where are you going?” The girl called behind him, but he knew she needed him. He knew she was with a guy earlier, near the bonfire. He always keeps an eye out for her at parties in case some guy tries something. He silently prayed that the one time he left her alone, nothing had happened. 

He made it to the bonfire but didn’t see her. He interrupted practically every conversation looking for her, but couldn’t find her anywhere. He spotted Pope playing beer pong, and ran over to him. “Pope! Have you seen Kie?” 

Pope gave him an odd look, “No, she was with some guy I think. Why?”

JJ began to panic, again looking desperately around the party. “She screamed my name before and now I can’t find her.”

Immediately Pope stopped what he was doing, and faced JJ. “Who’s the guy?” 

“I don’t know.” 

“Shit!” Pope exclaimed, heading towards an area JJ already checked. The only place he hadn’t been was the parking lot. JJ made his way over towards where the majority of the cars were parked, hoping that maybe she just needed to hide out in the Twinkie. He noticed a Jeep parked towards the middle backing out, spotting the curls he could recognize anywhere. 

Without thinking, he jumped out behind the car. It made a quick stop, missing him by less than an inch. He smacked the side of the car to get the drivers attention, sprinting up to the passengers door. Sure enough, Kiara lay passed out in the back of the car of a stranger. The guy driving rolled down the window, “Can I help you?”

“Uh, yeah hi. She’s my friend, and I have no idea who you are, so she’s coming with me.” JJ went to open the door, but it was locked.

“Oh, sorry I found her passed out. ‘Must have drank too much. I was just going to take her home.” The guy said with a smug look on his face. JJ already didn’t like the vibe he was getting. 

“How do you know where she lives? And do you know how creepy that sounds? Just open the door, man.” JJ demanded, pulling on the car door handle repeatedly. Noticing an open window on the other side of the car, JJ ran to the other side, risking getting run over. 

“I’m good, actually.” The jerk began to roll up the window, flipping JJ off simultaneously.

“Asshole!” JJ screamed. Quickly, he slipped his arm into the car, undoing Kiara’s seat belt. He grabbed her waist, trying desperately to pull her out of the car fast enough. JJ felt a shooting pain in his arm, but ignored it, since he almost had her all the way out of the car. 

Pope finally found JJ, and assisted him in getting her out of the creep’s car. The guy stopped driving, hopping out of his car. “What the hell? I ‘wassn doin’ anything!”

Completely pissed off, JJ handed Kiara to Pope. “She’s drunk! You can’t do that, man!” 

“Drunk? Yeah… that’s totally what it is.” JJ never regretted what he did next, and although everyone else would, he didn’t. All he saw was red, and next thing he knew, he was smashing the dick’s head into the side of his car. He was knocked out, JJ left feeling no remorse. 

He raced to be beside Kiara, taking her head out of Pope’s lap and into his own. “Should we take her to the hospital?” He asked, raking his fingers through her hair. 

“She’ll be okay, but I don’t think you’ll be.” Pope lifted up JJ’s arm, and JJ finally saw what caused the searing pain he was feeling in his arm. A giant gash had cut into his arm from the car window, blood completely dripping through his sleeve. Similar to what Kiara felt earlier, his whole body felt light, and his vision was blurry. “Just make sure she’s okay.” He stumbled backwards, his eyes slowly closing. Darkness succumbed, yet all JJ could think about was how he hoped Kiara was okay. 

***

Kiara awoke, head blaring, feeling worse than any of her prior hangovers. She recognized the pullout of the Chateau, a place she slept more than her own room. “Kie! Are you okay? How are you feeling?” She recognized Sarah’s voice, her eyes still not fully focusing on her surroundings. 

“What happened?” She croaked, her voice still raw from dehydration. Sarah sat beside her on the pullout, handing her a glass of water.

“Some ass drugged you.” Sarah huffed out after a moment, trying to figure out the best way to get it out. Her memory was fuzzy, but Kiara remembered as much as she could. She was with a guy - - they were having as decent a time as one could have, when trying to ignore their prominent feelings for their best friend - - and then she passed out. 

“So how did I end up here?”

***

She had been given a brief explanation on what happened, that the guy tried to take her home with him, and JJ got her back. She knew the window cut his arm so bad he ended up in the hospital, and he needed a guardian to sign him off. Which is why he was now at home, and no one had heard from him all day.

“I told you I want to see him!” Kiara pouted for the 100th time, since learning JJ saved her, all she wanted to do was thank him and make sure he was okay.

“He told us specifically he didn’t want you to come to his house, and that apparently you should ‘already know that’?” Pope said in air quotes. “Like yeah, I wouldn’t want to go over there, but like why you especially?” 

“Cause he’s in love with her.” Sarah attempted a joke (even though she was entirely serious) but the reaction she earned, made her wish she kept her mouth shut. “What?”

Kiara looked like she could kill her, John B just looked confused, and Pope refused to make eye contact with anyone. “JJ? In love with Kiara? Your funny Sarah. He just thinks she’s hot.” John B chuckled, brushing it off like it was nothing. 

“Hey!” Kiara shoved him, the push not having much effect since she was still winded from the drugs. John B chuckled, ruffling her hair in response. “Sarah you're an idiot.” She muttered out, John B buying into her “non- chalant” response. 

“I need to go.” Pope muttered, hurrying out of the Chateau. “Text me if you hear from JJ.” 

The three left in the room shared a confused look. “What the hell was that?”

***

All he wanted to do was make sure Kiara was okay. Naturally, his father chose to “parent” when money was involved, him now being trapped inside his house - - which would last until Luke passed out and forgot the whole thing. 

JJ sat on the floor, jaw aching, back against the door, just waiting for his father to finally pass out. When he was certain the coast was clear, he slid out of his bedroom window, making a run for the Chateau. 

***

Kiara lay asleep in John B’s room, the effects of the drug still kicking in. She threw a hissy fit about having to sleep on the pullout, and finally John B caved. 

JJ stood beside her, admiring how peaceful she looked. He ran his fingers through her hair to gently wake her up. “Hey.” He said awkwardly. 

“JJ!” She leaped up in the bed, throwing herself into his arms. She chose to blame the hug on her gratitude, with no other meaning behind it. “You scared the shit out of me. Are you okay?”

“I’m fine, I’m here for you.” He lay back, her head never leaving the crock in his neck. She lifted the sleeve of his T-shirt, revealing a massive scar from where the car window cut him, trailing from below his shoulder, to his mid forearm.

“That doesn’t look fine to me.” She traced her finger along the scar, mesmerized that someone would go through this much pain for her. “What happened?”

He sighed, “This bastard drugged you. I don’t know what was going through his walnut sized brain - - but he tried, like, fucking kidnapping you. Well I taught him a lesson that no one messes with my girl.” He paused after the last phrase, Kiara giving him a playful look. “Sorry if that’s objectifying. No one messes with Kiara Elizabeth Carrera.”

“Stop! I hate my middle name.” She chucked a pillow in his face, slipping out of his arms in the process. She couldn’t stay in that position any longer, it was just too hard. “Seriously though, thank you.” 

“It’s nothing.” 

“Nothing? J, you got stitches for me! There’s no way you're not in deep shit with your dad, even though everyone keeps sugar coating it!” She sat up, the sudden movement reminding her of her apparent drowsiness. 

“And I did it for you so it’s fine.” He got up from the bed, walking towards the door. 

“Where are you going?” She asked, confused and slightly annoyed. 

“Home.” He wasn’t sure what persuaded him, but he figured the longer he put off his punishment, the worse it would be. Plus, if he got back before his dad woke up, he would never know he was gone. 

“No.” She spoke sternly, standing in front of him to block the bedroom door. 

“I have to. I’ll be fine.” He pushed her to the side as gently as he could and exited the bedroom. 

“Stop saying that! It’s okay to not be fine! For once JJ just let someone in!” Tears were now freely flowing down Kiara’s face, and she wasn’t sure why she was pushing him now. She was just scared. 

She ignored the concerned couple watching from the couch, chasing him outside. “Stop running from this!” He kept walking towards the woods, ignoring her. 

She knew she had to say it. She had known first, and it was eating away at her to keep her feelings repressed. Yet, the thought of voicing the secret she had been failing to keep hidden was terrifying. 

“Fuck this.” She sprinted despite her body’s protests. “Just wait two seconds. Please.” She spoke exasperated. 

“What the fuck do you want from me? I came by to make sure you were okay, that’s all.” He was avoiding talking to her, and he knew why.

“But what if I’m not okay?” 

“What?” He was stunned, and simultaneously concerned. She saw his eyes worriedly look over her, trying to spot any forgotten injuries.

“Physically? Sure, I’m fine. But I’m scared — and confused, and I need you to help me figure out what happened, and I need… you.” Her words were choppy, stopping to gasp for air every few seconds through her tears. 

Seeing her like this was eating away at him, but he was excusing his way out of being vulnerable with her again. He was scared out of his mind when he saw Kiara passed out, seemingly lifeless. His mind forced him to imagine a world without her, and he hated it. He hated his life without her, and now that she was physically fine, he couldn’t admit to himself that there was something else wrong with her. Something he couldn’t fix. She had to be fine for him. 

“And I need to go.” It was selfish, and jerky - - he knows that. But he needed to stop himself from being an idiot. He brushed past her again, cursing himself for not bringing his regular bike. 

“Don’t be like that.” She stood beside him again, struggling to keep up with his pace. “Don’t be that guy.”

“I’m not the guy for you, either. I can’t be, not with all of my shit. So just, please, go back home and get some sleep.” 

“No JJ! I’m worried about you.” He still hadn’t stopped, and she wasn’t letting him go. She lunged forward, gripping his arm, and using her minimal strength to turn him around. 

He gave up trying to get away from her, taking a deep breath. She let out a sigh of relief, since he stopped resisting. “I’m sorry that I admitted to you that I don’t - - I don’t feel okay. If that’s too sensitive or sappy for you, then fine.” It was a low blow, she knew that, but he did just entirely ignore her confession. 

“I don’t like thinking that you're not okay, okay?” He let out an untimely chuckle. “Sorry.”

“I don’t like thinking you're not okay, either, okay?” She mocked him, although she meant every word. 

“Why?”

“The same reason you said the same about me.” She answered him with genuine confusion. Of course she hated thinking something was wrong with him, or in his life. Something out of her control. 

“And what is that reason, exactly?” He shifted his weight back and forth on his legs, kicking dust in the sand. It was his typical method of avoiding real conversation. 

“Because… because I love you.” Silence. Nothing but silence. JJ remained still, something that hardly ever happened. Kiara hadn’t meant to say it, and she certainly wasn’t ready for him to know she was, like, in love with him. She hoped he took it as- no one else in your life says those words to you, so I do since I’m your best friend- kind of way. 

“I know you do, but I just - -“ He couldn’t figure out what to say. He had hoped maybe she would say she was like, actually in love with him, and not just in a friend way. But she didn’t, and he felt like giving up. “I don’t know what to say anymore.” 

Her heart dropped. She was losing the opportunity and she knew it. Her hands were shaking, palms sweaty, jaw quivering. She needed to say it now. He needed to know. 

But naturally he cut her off before she could say anything, “I don’t think I can be that guy for you anymore. I’m not supposed to be. You deserve better.” He turned around again, this time determined that there was nothing she could say to get him to stay. 

And naturally, she found something to make him stop.

“I’m in love with you.” Her voice was quiet. It came out exasperated, almost as if she had given up. Maybe they both did.

When he turned around, his gaze was intense, and she felt small. He stomped towards her, his footsteps loud, not saying a word. He stopped right in front of her. “Don’t say it if you don’t mean it.” 

“But I do mean it. I — I love you. Like I’m in love with you and I kind of hate it, but now that I’ve thought about it, it’s not so bad.” She began to ramble, fear coursing through her.

For the first time in the six years they had been best friends, Kiara could not read JJ. Maybe that was because they crossed the line of friends. 

“Do you know why I never said ‘I love you’ back?” He asked, almost randomly. Kiara shook her head in response, her throat tasting of saw dust. “It’s because I promised myself that the next time I said it, I would say it to someone I was in love with. Not just a relative you're supposed to say you love, or a friend who should already know what you feel.” He took a long pause before continuing, and Kiara prepared herself for rejection. 

“Every single time I think about that promise, I imagine saying it to you.” He smiled, the stupid pearly white, alluring Maybank smile. “And now I can. I love you, Kie. Your like the coolest chick ever, and I-“

Kiara cut him off, like they seem to always do with each other. She needed to feel his lips on hers, a feeling she’d craved for God knows how long. It was rushed, but passionate, and better than either of them had ever imagined it. It was relief, love, satisfaction, and above all; truth. They were themselves, they were vulnerable, and they were okay with that. 

“Wow. Guess it only took a fucking loser to drug you, and a lot of repressed psychological trauma to get here.” 

“Shut up.” And he did, kissing her again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hopefully that was all you pictured it to be. We still have 2 more chapters to go, so buckle up. PLEASE let me know if there is anything you want me to include before the book ends!! Have an amazing day :))

**Author's Note:**

> thank you for reading :)) I hope you enjoy. comment suggestions. have a wonderful day and stay safe during these uncertain times :/


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